“Star Light… Star Bright”

She was sad. Dreadfully, bone achingly sad and weary both in spirit and body. Her husband had done his very best to reduce her, to consume her and quench her brilliance beneath his own dull cloak of mediocrity, tarnishing her shine with the black hole of everyday.

He ridiculed her beliefs, berated her values and derided her loves. Her rage burned dully, smouldered against his expectations of “Yes dear, no dear”, roasts on a Sunday, fish on a Friday and sex timetabled somewhere in between. She resented the physical intrusion, she hated his ageing body, the encroach of hair in unexpected places and the rigid, unbending mindset.

They had a son. The man tried to dim his particular sparkle; but he escaped and grew, unshackled from familial duty and set free by his mother. He watched and yearned from a distance as his mother struggled within.

“Star Light, Star Bright…” she would chant the old rhyme with longing and love as she closed the bedroom curtains at night. Above her, the stars spun and sparkled in their golden cycle.

Then one day that was it, he had belittled her enough, she shone forth into super nova brilliance, lifted by rage, emboldened by hate.

The wild spirit of her heart broke free as it beat its wings against her empty ribcage and soared away unfettered into the dark.

The man married again, a dull, pleasant lady who was happy to have him think for her. The son? He watched and made his way in the world, touched sometimes by the wild spark of his mother, until at last, the brilliant shine faded to the warm glow of peace.

End/Beginning

What Am I?
The emotions, the blood, the feelings.
Leave them.

Who Am I?
The memories, the experiences, the people.
Forget them.

Why Am I?
The purpose, the intentions, the desires.
Release them.

Reach out.
The being and not-being
Strip away the state of being
Construct and artifice.

The dark. The un-becoming.
Strip away the self
Still the conscious.

The being and un-being
The peace that passes
All understanding

Shantih.

The not-being, the
Wholeness and
The dark.

Shantih.
The peace. The quiet.
The silence. The love.
Shantih.

Flat Stones and Fluffy Cats…

Flat stones, or palm stones as they are more commonly known, have a satisfaction to them inherent in their shape and a comfort all their own, that can be immediately felt as soon as you pick one up.

Being flat, they are obviously a lot easier to transport in pockets. They are lovely to balance in each hand during meditation for convenience as well as reaping the benefit of the crystal’s own individual properties; likewise, they are ideal for using during a session of Reiki or crystal healing.

Moss Agate… calming and empowering, connected to Mother Earth

Again, as they are polished and shaped, the crystal energy can be contained and directed. A little exercise I like to do in times of stress, not mindfulness exactly, more like giving yourself space to breathe and time to collect your thoughts…

Jade for wealth, wisdom and peace…

Hold your palm stone, and just have a quick look at it, to fix its visual appearance in your memory. Then just hold it in your closed hand and re-trace, in your mind, every aspect of its appearance, every little inclusion, every flaw, every irregularity and travel the landscape of your stone in your mind.

Fluorite is protective and calming and varied in colour…

Just really, as I said, a little exercise to give yourself a moment’s pause. I found out something lovely the other day – (I’m really sorry, but I can’t remember where it came from, so thank you unknown knowledge benefactor…) – that all these little chips and cracks in your crystals are called empathy flaws, and are said to mirror your own emotional journey.

These palm stones have a lovely, tactile comfort to them as well… just like cat fur… My four girls all have different textures of fur, none of them really have the long coat that I would call fluffy. Their fur is still wonderful all the same! Much to my regret, I am allergic to rabbits, event though I had them as pets as a little girl…love fluffy bunnies…

Tooty has a very thick undercoat to her fur, with a sleek black overlay, and just the one spot of white…

Ting has wonderful shades in her fur, ranging from from coffee through to mud, even though it is quite coarse to the touch on her back, her tummy fluff is quite soft – even her whiskers are bi-coloured!…

Lily has fur like a little fire demon, soft black and glossy, yet when the sun catches it, shades of burnished gold and chocolate.

And of course, Madame La Princesse. She has the softest, most delectable fur… if Keats were still alive, I’m quite sure he would write an ode entirely devoted to the quality of her covering… it’s soft, it’s silky and if I could bottle the way it smells, I’d make a fortune.

Like the palm stones, there is a comfort and warmth in the very shape of a curled up fluffy cat; a continuity symbolised by the roundness of their shapes, flowing and infinite.

Multi-layered Red and Golden Tiger’s Eye for courage, determination and protection

Rose Quartz and Running Cats

Rose Quartz is my all-time favourite crystal. It was the first, serious, ‘purposed’ crystal I had ever come across, when my son gave me a piece to help with depression and anxiety, and all the other lovely little mental trolls that go with these conditions.

‘Rosie’, as I affectionately call her, is my featured Gravatar as well as being a symbol of love and peace.

Rosie

Rose Quartz is an important crystal both to me and in the metaphysical realm : it is linked to the heart chakra and shows the true meaning of love. It purifies and heals; it calms and reassures; all important qualities that my son had in mind when he chose this particular piece for me.

Rose Quartz is calming and healing, bringing peace and stilling that unsure voice of self – doubt in the back of your mind. It is beneficial for relationships as it draws love towards its wearer/owner and restores the balance of trust and harmony.

Rose Quartz sends bad vibes packing while encouraging empathy and sensitivity. It can help with accepting the inevitable changes that life brings and will heal heartache and soothe grief.

This beautiful pink crystal teaches you how to love yourself, to value yourself and promote peace… the hippy of the crystal world… yeah man…

Needless to say, my Rose Quartz collection has grown, from freeforms to spheres to eggs… a family of tumblestones in various shades of pink from palest blush to strawberry milkshake. Rather like my feline fur family…

Beautiful translucent rough piece of Rose Quartz… looks like a shark fin… 

It’s a never – ending source of amusement to me just how very different from each other my girls are. Charlie, our “firstborn”, is very much our little princess, number one girl. Lily has absolutely no pretensions to being anything other than what she is, a charming, pretty, fluffy little killer. Ting, our Siamese babe. Beautiful, kind, but not exactly over – burdened in the brains department. Tooty, our furry marshmallow. Cuddly, soft and sweet, who’ll lie happily on her back beside you, paws waving, as she purrs and air kneads.

Yet, they all share the same quality I love in cats, an elegance and grace of movement, an economy of speed that eats up the ground as they leap, effortlessly, across the garden in play or hunting mode.

Rabbity hind legs!

When I come home, I love the fact that my girls all run to meet me, tails up and joy on their fur faces, “Meep”-ing and “Waoh”-ing encouragement to quickly, quickly come inside and open catfood…

“Where have you BEEN? You’ve been gone AGES… we thought you’d gone forever…”

Part of the returning home ceremony is stopping to greet them all as they gallop towards me … Charlie reminds me of a little clockwork toy, dainty tabby toes going “tick tock tick tock” rapidly down the path towards me.

Beautiful speedy turn!

I love my little girls dearly and value them for the unqualified love, joy and companionship they bring me. My life has been enriched selflessly and generously by a succession of feline family members, and I hope… and I hope…

Look at this cat! She’s so FAST! Over here, over there…!

I lack all certainty
yet still I hope
that at the edge of death I’ll see
a small cat racing from the dark
to welcome me.

Pam Brown

Alice Updated

“Don’t worry, you’ll make friends once you’ve settled in.”

“Don’t forget to work hard, we know what you students are like, out all night.”

These words fell on frightened ears as her parents left her. They left her, in the hall of residence in a nameless, faceless block in a city she didn’t know and she was afraid.

It was bleak, it was dark, it was autumn and she longed for the golden days of when she was at school. The city was brutal, it was dark and it rained. She didn’t know where she was or she felt to be so tenderly abandoned. She was not equipped for this!

The gentle county of her youth, her kind teachers and thoughtful friends, the lessons, the plans, the routine, these were things she understood.

Scornful tutors mouthed incomprehensible words in echoing lecture theatres and people laughed. She couldn’t eat, she didn’t know how. And yet, and yet, she was touched with kindness as others saw her and were drawn to this sad, lonely girl, “Alice of the Otherworld” as the darkness called her.

“Here, come out with us, have a drink, you’ll feel better!”

The tall, dark, boy laughed like a maniac with knives in his eyes and pushed the glass towards her.

She drank; and was transported. Down and down she fell, tumbling down a smooth golden tunnel that smelled enticingly of childhood and weepingly of home.

When she opened her eyes, she was lying in a field. The day was golden, and dusted with sunshine, the old oak tree she reclined against felt warm and comfortable, as comforting as her bed at home.

She sat up, and her hands touched grass, grass that slithered through her fingers as soft as silk and warm as blood. A winged rabbit fluttered by, its delicate wings etched in green, flushing pink as it startled at her presence and shied away.

And as she looked, and looked again, what at first she took for flowers, beat their wings and flew away in a chattering flock and she heard the swallows singing at home as they prepared to fly to Africa.

She sighed and laid down again. This was not home, but it would do, the echoes were familiar and some of it was comforting. She drew this atmosphere around her, like her duvet at home, and shut her eyes.

***

“Ally! Ally! No! Ally, wake up! You bastard, what did you give her?”

The dark youth smiled uneasily and slid away, as her head lolled and a trickle of thin, yellow vomit escaped her smiling mouth, while the one who would have loved her grabbed his phone and cried.