“A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Theatre…”

 

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Sometimes I actually do feel as though the stuff that happens in my life is part of a Universal vaudeville routine… I try to console myself with encouraging platitudes like Oh well, it could be worse, it could be raining…

Alternatively, I think: “F&#$k it that’s an absolute b#@%ard”… I swear quite appallingly so I’ve been told, although personally I think I do it rather well, having a flair for the more , um, earthy side of our language… but anyway, generally I just laugh.

For example, the other day my morning began at 5.00am with a sound guaranteed to make any cat owner react with lightning fast speed – I awoke to the sounds of Tooty vomiting copiously down the side of my bedside cabinet. I leapt out of bed, a little too late unfortunately to prevent drippage on to the handles of the cabinet, wondered momentarily at the cat’s ability to run and vomit at the same time, but cheered myself with the thought Well, it can only get better…

On the bus to my appointment with my psychologist – yes, I have a psychologist, yes, I have now managed to instil a level of anxiety in him concerning random issues that he has never previously considered, like doorhandles, and should beans and chips really touch on the plate if you’re eating them together – but I happened to overhear a weary father talking to his little son on the bus as the child burst into a bellowed rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

No, buddy, that’s not a star, it’s a snowflake,” the father patiently pointed out yet again.

But it looks like a star!” the child insisted. Then, a little defiantly: “Well, I’m going to sing every time I see a star or a snowflake!”

A look of hopeless resignation settled across the father’s face…

Then, as I was coming back, I noticed a man leaving the supermarket who clearly had his life’s priorities sorted. He was carrying a tray of cans of beer and a large pack of toilet rolls – I shudder to think how he was going to spend his weekend, but mentally I applauded his ingenuity, for, he had the toilet rolls on his shoulder first, then the beer on top, thereby creating a soft and comfortable pad to carry the items home.

I also recently seem to have adopted quite an interesting habit as I disembark from the bus…I leap off and run away…not quite sure where that’s come from, I know that “Mission Impossible” left a lasting impression on me…but the puzzled look on the other passengers’ faces is quite rewarding to see as I speed away… Try it…

21 thoughts on ““A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Theatre…”

  1. An entertaining post – Thanks for the laughs. 😀 Tho I realise I should Not be laughing at early morning cat vomit! 😀
    I like the vision of you jumping off a bus and running away. I bet everyone else is wondering if they should too?
    And your cat photo is perfect. He has that quizzical expression, with the tongue to one side. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol you’re very welcome! And an essential part of sharing your life with any pet is a large sense of humour..I am not sure what Lily was thinking about when she gave me that look! And thank you for giving me my next goal…if someone else is getting off at the same stop as me, convincing them by my frantic run away to run away too! 🏃🏃🏃🏃

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Honestly, we could be sisters, Samantha. I swear like a sailor, I’ve been told, although I do like to pepper my patter with creatively archaic cusses à la Upstart Crow. And it seems as if I run around with a personal Black Cloud of Misfortune over my head, considering how often things go wrong for me. (I do often wonder if somehow I’m making them happen.) I’m less able to laugh them off, however! Perhaps, when you’re running away from the bus, you’re trying to escape the secret messages those weirdly random bus ticket words are trying to tell you! 😏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yesterday’s bus ticket message was “Squat”…??…perhaps I should add one in as I run away lol!
      I am extremely pleased to hear you are an avid practitioner of Anglo-Saxon…lol..sometimes “oh bother” simply doesn’t cut it! And the more archaic the better – swear words can be as mellifluous as song…
      On a practical note – carry a piece of citrine and jade with you, and check “The Green Witch” for some warding herbs and oils…bay would be a good one for this time of year. Or just shout “B#@!%*!” very loudly. That is quite helpful too although you may get a few looks…!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A squat is proving difficult when laden with shopping bags…although In am very pleased to say I was on the bus today, looking out of the window when I noticed a lady alight from the bus and run away as if all the Hounds of Hell were after her… it’s catching on! 🙂

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  3. A vaudeville routine must make life more interesting though..!
    Give your psych your best, discovering so many more things for him to be anxious of will only strengthen his skillset, make him work for his money 😉
    How far do you run before you return to walking, or do you literally run from the point of jumping off the bus to the moment your feet reach your front door? If my body could manage a run I’d try it to see how many heads turn as the bus rolls by!
    Poor little kittykat. Vomiting while running, that’s quite a talent Tooty has. I vomited (accidentally of course) on my cat’s foot the other day. I was very poorly, he was in the way. It could have been worse, but in the two days since he hasn’t talked to me. I’ve been plying him with cat treats to earn his forgiveness.
    I hope Tooty is feeling better soon. Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally applaud you being sick on your cat! Although not the reason behind it of course and I hope you’re feeling a lot better now…but sometimes cats do ask for a taste of their own medicine…
      I think my psychologist is a) a glutton for punishment or b) newly qualified as he has booked me in for three more sessions…either way I hope I help…hehehe!
      And at the moment I generally run across the road and halfway up the little hill that leads to our house – it varies depending on how much shopping I am carrying, how many observers there are etc. Sometimes I throw in a nervous look over my shoulder and I am currently contemplating vaulting over the hedge. That idea will probably remain at the contemplation stage for quite a while…😁xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh, I almost snorted my golden milk out of my nose…but then you might have had some spatters, turmeric is worse than kitty upchucks…

    If I tried to sprint out of a bus, the paramedics would be sprinting with me on a gurney…

    I try not to be too mush of an HBO word user, but…well, sometimes things that are colorful just jump out of my lips…the filter seems to be malfunctioning at times:)
    And why does that always happen to me at work…my co-workers must wonder about me, LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

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