Musings And Mortality


I spent an interesting morning on Wednesday. My partner had his tonsil out a year ago, and ever since then has experienced a range of problems with swallowing and so on… minor, but uncomfortable.

Thus, on Wednesday, we went to the X-Ray department of our local hospital for him to have a video imaging x-ray, a fluroscopy (??) which involves eating or drinking various items that have been mixed with barium, which shows up on x-rays.

The team were all very welcoming and instantly made my partner feel comfortable and I prepared to wait outside. However… I was somewhat surprised to be invited in to watch… I am fairly (and possibly unreasonably considering my father was a vet and my mother a nurse) squeamish, but I knew there would be very little likelihood of gore or blood, so I accepted.

I stood behind the protective screen and I was able to watch on the monitor. It was very interesting but also very… thought provoking. I could see the fleshly outline of my partner’s head, chin and neck, each vertebrae and cartiliginous structure etched out in delicate detail; somehow comedic but also oddly vulnerable.

All those thoughts and words and feelings, reduced to a bony, fleshy imprint on a screen; all those things that make him the sort of man he is, just a comedic medical procedure of chew, gulp, swallow… I could see his teeth grinding, his throat moving, the oesophagus and larynx flexing and contracting in peristalysis.

I was fascinated to see my partner, who I know so well on the outside, in such an intimate, inside way. All those fragile structures, yet so humanly strong… all those years of evolution and yet we have learned the ability to strip ourselves literally back to the bare bones. What a complex example of Engineering – ruly we should appreciate the Life and body we have.

So… where is it then? What makes us go? Where’s the key? I know, at our basest, we are merely a set of electrical impulses that connect and communicate – but still, what a Marvel! That little ingredient, Life, that transforms robot to human; a collection of bones and tendons to a sensate, feeling, breathing creature… Seeing this procedure made me very reflective – by the way there were no abnormalities detected, thankfully.

Afterwards, my partner asked me:

What was it like? What did you see?”

To which I replied:

Nothing – and Everything.”


18 thoughts on “Musings And Mortality

  1. I was enthralled all the way through this post for it is so well written – almost poetry like – really fabulous, engrossing read, Samantha.
    But I’ve never been gladder than when I got to that final bit where you told us all that nothing of note had been found. Thank heavens. So happy about the outcome.
    Sending happy, big love to you both. ~ Cobs. xxx ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. MOL…we’re glad that everything is good with your partner, Samantha 🙂 Granny likes to see those kind of stuff too. She was asked to see the operation of her sister’s foot once and the doctor showed her everything of the insides, as you said, fascinating! But when she was operated herself on her big toe, she wasn’t allow to look of the stoopid nurse, while she put her best foot forward…MOL 😀 Healing Pawkisses for your man and one extra for you 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You kept my interest, that’s for sure. I just had a Barium Swallow last week and they did find a cause for my brutal reflux. I wish I had a video of what a person could have observed as you did. They found bone spurs from C4 through C7 protruding into my esophagus. Interrupting my eating process. How rude. I don’t know what I’ll do about this. As of now, eating a third of the food I’d usually have at a meal. Good luck finding a solution for your partner. I enjoyed your deep thinking on this subject. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your comment – I really hope something can be done for you as I can only imagine how uncomfortable and frustrating it is for you. As of yet, nothing sinister has been found in my partner’s throat but the problem remains.

      All the very best to you xx

      Liked by 1 person

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