I have decided to afford The Bus the dignity of two capitals, since as well as being a convenient mode of transport (I don’t drive – away with the fairies too often to be a reliable driver… ) it is a never-ending source of amusement and material.
For example, the classic two men in conversation:
“You’ll NEVER guess who I saw the other day!!” said in tones of great excitement.
His friend, catching the enthusiasm:
“Ooh! Who! Who?!”
“Ohh…you don’t wanna know…”
This little exchange left me in tears of silent laughter.
This next snippet has to be my favourite though. My partner and I were returning from town and overheard a phone conversation between a man and his mother.
“Mum, I went in Aldi and I bought one of them things… you know… them grill things… like a sandwich toaster but a grill… oh you know… that man… a George Formby grill!!”
Well. Of course that set me off, but my partner has the same ability that Alex has inherited – the power to remain stony-faced while I collapse like a giggling idiot.
I was dying to ask did it perhaps let him know his pork chops were done with a quick burst of “When I’m Cleaning Windows”? Or warn of imminent immolation with a sharp blast of “Leaning On A Lamp Post”…
I don’t know if this system is used on other transport networks, but our Buses employ a system of code words printed on the ticket to show they are valid on that particular day. I always check the word of the day and find infinite amusement in the choices, which can be anything from “frying pan” to “fluffy”.
Some days I find the words to be peculiarly apt, like a travelling oracle… look…