“Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…”

21706327_113092622769487_1471741883_oI found this sculpture when I was poking about at Lizian’s. It’s called ‘Infinite Love’ and I think it’s beautiful 

PLEASE NOTE: This post is different from my usual posts as I do mention adult and sexually explicit themes. People who are under age or who may find the subject matter offensive, please don’t read as I would hate to upset you, and normal service will be resumed in the next post. Thank you x

Well. That was … an education. A few days ago, I watched some of a programme called “Monster Cocks”… I thought perhaps it would be a programme about a new breed of chicken – it was on a normal television channel. Obviously I was totally wrong. Obviously.

It was about gentlemen who have very large… cocks!!! (Picture me giggling immaturely at the use of this word…) There is, however, more to this (why is everything sounding rude…) than meets the eye – the enormous appendage may give the owner some bragging rights, but there are quite a few practical difficulties.

The man with the largest penis (13.5 inches) has clothing issues – he used to have to wrap it around his upper thigh and then put his trousers on. Three men with penises ranging from 11.5 to 13.5 inches found considerable success in the porn industry; but their personal lives, for all their excessive genitalia, fell sadly short of expectations.

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Now. When a man and a woman love each other very much… oh, I’ll just SAY it! Your average woman simply cannot accommodate a penis of those proportions! Picture the metaphorical guardian of CrystalCats private property scurrying back across the bridge, running indoors, slamming the gate, lowering the portcullis, locking the door, hiding the key and then peering out anxiously from behind net curtains… as the owners of these priapic prizes explained the physical difficulties behind a more intimate relationship… rather like having a Lamborghini Aventador and not being able to drive. (I can’t drive, but then I don’t have a Lamborghini either…) You simply cannot insert something of that size into another human being without doing them serious internal damage.

Also, the amount of blood required to maintain a full erection in a penis that size meant that its owner felt light headed and couldn’t have sex anyway because he didn’t feel like it any more… mixed blessing indeed… Apparently there is something called a “cock ring.” No. Not chicken jewellery. A man puts it around the base of his penis and it helps to prolong and intensify sex.

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I really feel that I have had a sheltered life – I’m not a stupid person as I am well aware of the mechanics of sex, you can safely assume I had it at least twice myself since I have two children (my son stuck his head round my bedroom door while I was watching this and was highly amused by the expression on my face…) but everything really does seem sexualised now sooner and sooner. Rather like seeing Easter eggs in the shops the day after Christmas…

I don’t have any particular hang-ups about sex, but it just seems all about the ferocity and action of it, “shagging” like “studs” as oppose to seducing like lovers… This programme also mentioned various statistics, like 60% of men fantasise about dominating women… what? Seriously? It would be a brave man who attempted a Mr. Grey on my arse..

Sex, rather than a mutually enjoyable activity does seem to be portrayed in some aspects, like reality shows, about the power play, but it’s the ultimate in bodily invasion really. Whatever happened to the delicious balance of trust, the delicate eroticism of a look, a shared smile and the knowledge that he knows that you know exactly the power of a touch, how he can touch you and make your knees melt and pulse race… or gentlemen, think about it, the simple pleasure of having a lady lay her hand on your chest to feel your warmth and have your heartbeat quicken; far more intimate and erotic than a mere good hard shag. Although I suppose that has its place.

Perhaps I’ll just have a cup of tea.

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(Also, I must add, for my own peace of mind – ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!)

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30 thoughts on ““Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…”

  1. I used to be jealous, but now I’m happy after reading this. For example, using a hoola-hoop naked with such an appendage could be very dangerous! 😉 I had to laugh out loud at this comment: “I thought perhaps it would be a programme about a new breed of chicken” . I’m still smiling! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Incredible how far TV has progressed (if that’s the right word). They still show “I Love Lucy” reruns from the 1950’s where the married people slept in separate beds and they couldn’t say “pregnant”.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. OMG!!!! This post has managed to make me laugh for the first time in quite a while. I feel the same but express it differently. When nurses I’m worked with began discussing sex I’d say “Oh barf” and leave it at that. As a mother of three I can’t exactly claim vestal virgin status but I look at it as been there, done that, I’m all good thank you. Absolutely delightful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. MOL…poor men who just have a “normal” thingie…they might think that they are worthless…MOL 😀 I didn’t expect to see your kitty at the end of this chatter, Samantha…don’t ask me what I expected….maybe that cup of tea…MOL 😀 Hot Pawkisses 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, haha, I would have guessed it was a TV show about chickens too! But chances of me watching a show about chickens are pretty slim, so I can only imagine the horror. 😆

    But geez, those are really huge! I’m glad I live in Asia where the average man is less well-endowed than the average man of the west. I think I need a cup of tea myself. 😅

    Liked by 1 person

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