Trust

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What makes you trust someone? What indefinable quality do we see in another person that makes us feel “Yes, this person is all right. I trust them.” How do you quantify this, define it, pin it down to declare someone “trustworthy.”

What makes us so accepting of authority figure, like priests, policemen, teachers, that we feel they are right, we are safe with them, they are worthy of our trust. Personally, I am quite a suspicious person. I do not trust easily, and once my trust has been taken for granted, then I don’t forgive easily.

Again, how do you know? I know that I have ‘met’ more people on WordPress that I would instinctively and quite happily trust than I have in real life. And then, when you have placed trust in a person, and you’ve found out you’ve been terribly wrong, does that make you less inclined to trust again? Or do you learn from your mistakes? Or feel bad, because you should have trusted your own instincts, your own little inner voice…

Love and trust don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand either. You can love someone but never trust them, although eventually that corrodes the love anyway. How do you weigh it up? The trust of a child in an adult – or the trust between adults when it comes to children.

In brief: my sons used to participate in a sport, and it has recently come to light that the instructor has been charged and convicted of historic sexual abuse and rape. I was shocked. A man, in a position of trust – needless to say, I asked my two the inevitable question, to which they both firmly replied: “No.”

Somehow, perhaps instinctively, I don’t know, I never left them alone with him. Ever. For those who suffered and their families, my love, thoughts and sympathy are with you.

I have been called an over-protective mother quite a few times, but I didn’t enjoy being pregnant and giving birth so I was bloody sure as Hell nothing was ever going to happen to my children when they were little and in my care.

Forgive me ranting, but of course I am aware that I have to let them go, grow up, make their own mistakes. I have to trust them to do that, and become their own men, the men they are destined to become. Regardless.

51 thoughts on “Trust

  1. You are not ranting dear Samantha.I feel too for you. “Trust”, I think, is the most important thing in our life.
    And not easy part where I live in this world.
    Thank you, have a nice day and weekend, Love, nia

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good post Samantha and your words reasonate with me. Trust and love do not go hand in hand and yes, I expect authority figures entrusted with care to perform trusthworthily. They cannot and must not abuse our trust. You are a good mum and don’t let anyone else say otherwise if claw back when one deserves it! I do the same for my parents if anyone causes them grief. Garfield hugs🤗🤗😏💕💕

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  3. I agree with arlene that trust is earned. I do instinctively trust some people and not others, but I have found at times that I was overconfident about other people doing the right thing. Indeed it is a shock to learn a piece of news like that about someone who was working with your children! Sadly, it occurs much more often than people realize.

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    1. Yes, I’ve done that…just assumed that people will do the right thing, and then it hasn’t happened like that at all. When my younger son was little, I used to be a parent helper at his school and willingly had a criminal record check – why aren’t these independent sports activities as closely monitored?

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  4. Ohh, Samantha. I’m with you all the way on this one.
    I too was/am an over-protective mother, and have become an over-protective Grandmother too. I’m trying to ease up a little, but it’s not easy.

    I always said that I’d kill anyone with my bare hands who laid a finger on either of my daughters, and even now, at the ages they both are and with children of their own, I still feel that way.

    You’re a great mum Samantha, and just because you didn’t spot the wolf mixed in with the sheep doesn’t make you anything less than you are.
    I hope this man has been locked up for a very long time.
    (personally, I think people like this should not only be given a jail sentence, but they should be chemically adjusted so that all sexual desire is removed, permanently.)
    Sending love ~ Cobs. x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you 💕💕 my two are 22 and 18 but had lessons with him during the relevant period. 22 years, signing the register and never being allowed to work with children again. Chemical castration should perhaps be considered – I’m sure they have it in some U.S. states.

      It doesn’t matter how old they are, does it…you still want to look after them, any way you can…my youngest is off to university in three weeks time, and I’m already worrying about Freshers Week..!! Thank you for your kind words, lots of love to you 😺💕xxx

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  5. That must have been awful to learn, but I’m glad the answer was a resounding “no”. I think you’re right with the instinct side of things; it can, of course, be wrong, but there’s a lot to be said for our gut feelings and I do think they count for more than we give them credit for sometimes.x

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  6. That must have been such a shock to learn Samantha and unfortunately abusers of children are often very close to home, sometimes even within the family and mostly people in a position of ‘trust’. Perhaps your intuition was telling you to never leave your sons alone with this man and they were protected in this way. My heart goes out to the victims and their families and I hope they will receive all the help and support they need. xxx

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  7. We went through something similar when my oldest son was in high school. The place where he worked had that same issue come to light. It is hard to trust and harder to forgive. I am still working on that one. Yep as a parent I was relieved it wasn’t my child….but heartbroken for those whose sons were involved.
    You sound like a great mom…one who gives her children just enough space and yet protects them as best you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. That’s an awful shock to find out the trust you placed in a teacher was abused. I am so glad your sons (through your care) were unmolested.
    I was also rather over-protective of my daughters, but they understood where I was coming from (SA has violent crime) and did grow up to be strong independent women.

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  9. Good grief Samantha…what a shocker to find out someone you trusted was a sexual abuser. I too, do not trust easily. Yes, I’m suspicious. I worked in a halfway house for male parolees and they tried all sorts of ways to get me to do things in their favour. Natuarally I’m suspicious of peeps intentions now. However, I have to watch this suspicion or I wouldn’t be friends with the peeps I am.

    Jean

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    1. This is where intuition comes into play…I am horribly suspicious but sometimes we just have to go for it, trust our own judgement and extend the hand (or paw!) of friendship…fascinating things you’ve done, Jean, I might have to interview you…😺💕xxx

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  10. Wow, I feel for you and your lads, Samantha. As a sports coach of kids age 8 to adults, I know how important it is to maintain a professional relationship with my athletes; anyone who abuses that trust is despicable. And I, too, am a wary person who doesn’t give my trust – or forgiveness – easily. I’ve been burned by some who I thought were rock solid; however, there are indeed some folks you just know are ‘right’. There’s a line from Robin of Sherwood, spoken by Will Scarlet to the gang of outlaws: “I trust very few people, and I’m looking at all of them.” That just about sums it up!

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  11. Wow, that must have been quite a shock! It’s great your sons said no. 🙂
    I’d say trust is earned, not given, and I usually keep them at arm’s length until the minimum level of trust is established. I think you have great instincts. 😀

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  12. I’d like to think that I’ve learned from trusting people and then getting burned. I probably will never learn. But, I’ve been fortunate in that no one’s safety has been compromised as a result of my trusting.

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  13. I do not trust easily, and once my trust has been taken for granted, then I don’t forgive easily….

    I could totally relate with those words… So sorry to learn about the sexual abuse story and glad that at least that person is not a threat…
    As to “how do we know?”… I guess I´d have to say: Firstly, let´s trust our intuitions, then experience (as always) will teach us…
    A thought-provoking, beautiful post, Samantha… Thanks for sharing… Sending love ❤ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment – I like to hear just how many people do go with their intuition, there have been times when I have ignored my inner voice only to think later “if only…”
      Thank you for reading and lots of love to you xx

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