To Beard… Or Not To Beard?

I’m quite into beards at the moment. Not personally, as being female, I would have a bit of difficulty growing one, although I do sometimes grow the occasional one tough facial hair… a remnant from a previous life as a cat, I like to think…

I remember when I was a little girl hearing my father refer scornfully to “beardy weirdies”, and I was at once fascinated. Why were these men weird for having hair on their faces? How did it get there? Were they weird to start off with, or did growing a beard make them weird? Did it grow so far and then just fall out? Did they brush them? Remember, this was in the ‘70’s, and although the straggly hippy beard was still to be seen, the majority of men my father knew were clean shaven, apart from a few of the R.A.F. officers with whom he socialised, who sported immaculately groomed moustaches….

Obviously, as I grew older, I realised that my father meant it as a derogatory remark more to do with politics than actual appearance, but my fascination for facial hair was already – ahem – fertilised… Presently, beards are actually quite fashionable, and I am entranced by the amount of time and product men can use in maintaining a well-furnished face. My sons are both very fair and unable to produce a satisfying amount to require anything other than the occasional shave…

I know that if I were a man, I would grow a full beard at least once in my life, just to see what it felt like and because, well, because I could! Some men’s faces definitely suit beards, whether to add character or hide a weak jawline… some men suit the naked look… some men are lucky enough to be good looking with or without facial adornment… yes, I’m talking about you Mr. Jeffrey Dean Morgan…

I had a somewhat morbid fascination with my History teacher’s beard. It was dark, and curly, but one year, a grey spot appeared right in the middle of his chin, with a ginger ring around it. Every year, the grey spot grew larger, as did the corresponding ginger ring… I left before his face was entirely consumed by grey, but even now, I wonder… WAS HIS SKIN GREY AND GINGER UNDERNEATH THE HAIR – LIKE AN APPALOOSA PONY’S???

I am quite pleased by the current hipster fashion for beards, long, silky pelts that are sometimes threaded with beads, or plaited… or both… I applaud your ability to grow beards, gentlemen, and am secretly quite envious…enjoy your symbols of virility and masculine power, but please, answer me this – Do you keep things in them?? I would…!