Ketchup and Catsick… or… Charlie The Vomiting Princess

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I am not a confirmed ‘brand’ shopper. To me, it’s quality, rather than name. For example, the toilet roll advertised by adorable puppies will not flush in our toilet. Despite its well – publicised quality, I find it unwieldy and annoying. (I have hay fever at certain times of the year, therefore a plentiful supply of toilet roll on hand, in every room, not just the bathroom, is essential as my hay fever can get… messy.)

My partner prefers branded products, particularly ketchup. It is only by careful label swapping that I have managed to extend his taste range to encompass various supermarket own brands. Really, if you analysed both products, they’re probably exactly the same, just in different packaging.

But not tomato sauce. Not ever. Me, personally, I don’t care. Ketchup, catsup or tomato sauce, I only ever put it on chips anyway. I prefer mayonnaise. To each his own …

Rather like being sick. At this point, I must tell you I am an emetophobic … I have a fear of being sick, myself, and I’m not too fond of cleaning it up either. This fact virtually guarantees that I will be confronted with vomit at some point during the day.

I am always very traumatised when I am sick – one of the vilest sensations in the world, so I go to extraordinary lengths to avoid being sick. Indeed, I envy animals … a couple of back – wrinkling, gut churning retches and they deposit a tidy packet of puke ready for disposal …

img_5468-2“Ughhhhhh, knew I shouldn’t have had that last biscuit…”

It is very easy to tell when Erin, my mother’s dog, is going to be sick. She gets carefully to her feet, eyes bulging, a rumbling beginning beneath her ribs … This necessitates a rush for the back door, as Erin’s rumbles develop into full – blown “Hoick-hoicks”. When outside, she WALKS about still “hoicking” then finally… blessed relief.

My eyes are usually watering in sympathy as I let her back in. She slinks past, rolling her eyes shamefacedly as if to say:

Well, I’m really sorry, but when you gotta go, you gotta go…”

Cats are a different matter altogether. I’ve never actually seen Tooty be sick.

img_4948Ninja Vomitter… Tooty

Lily is:

Left a little something for you. You might want to think about getting the worming tablets out.”

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Ting is horrified. She does a weird, face – contorting thing and her mouth opens wide and –

OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO SORRY! DID I REALLY DO ALL THAT?”

Then she requires reassurance that it’s all right to be sick, it happens to the best of us, and is quite easily remedied.

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Charlie, on the other hand, if such a thing is possible, is a very … dainty vomiter. If she was human, she’d be the sort of girl whose hair would be willingly held out of her face by boys while she puked and they would still want to take her home at the end of the evening. A delicate cough, and then whatever bothered her is gone. Doesn’t matter where she is, if she feels the occasion demands it then she will be sick. Down the back of the sofa. Halfway up the stairs. On one memorable, never-to-be-repeated evening, my partner’s clothes, neatly folded for morning.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. I know because I took her to the vet… (“But this is the third time this week, Miss Murdoch. Sometimes cats DO just vomit…”)

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Back at home, she will usually be sick again: “Now look what you made me do…” I comfort my little girl, praise her for being such a tidy puker, make sure she has fresh water and murmur tender words of love and reassurance into her sensitive ears. She has proved her point. It’s my fault…

[I must thank Alex of BrianAndLily for the idea for this post… I don’t quite remember how the conversation started, but I know it was funny!]

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43 thoughts on “Ketchup and Catsick… or… Charlie The Vomiting Princess

  1. I wanted to like your post but when I click on the link in the email it comes up as an error. The same thing happened when I tried to comment on your post about your sister. Has anyone else had a problem or is it just me? I haven’t had a problem connecting to anyone else’s post from an email so thought I would let you know.

    Regards,

    Jill

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol! It is an unfortunate down-side to having pet cats isn’t it? My sister and I shared a flat for a few years, and so I assumed joint custody of her three cats. Many, many mornings, often after a rather late night, we would debate whose turn it was to be the ‘Cat-sick Fairy’ again…happy days!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s my trade off of choice too. And I really don’t mind mice at all! Apart from the one I tried to save from a cat when I was a teenager, and the mouse just sunk his teeth deep into my finger and wouldn’t let go…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes absolutely. Although I had to sit with my finger in a bowl of TCP for half an hour as a ‘lesson’ not to do it again! I’d prefer to remove a rat, or a snake even!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha… Very recognisable!! Ours are very unapologetic about it! If they’re sick, they’re sick. No rushing outside or to the toilet. But they usually let us know with a very sick-sounding meooorrrr..! Anything to do with animals is my job in this house, so I get the honour of cleaning it up 😛 But after three pregnancies with extreme morning sickness and three little boys, I am a pro at dealing with vomit 😂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh yes I don’t bat an eyelid at vomiting children or cats! LOL! But it’s just as well that rabbits and chickens don’t vomit, so at least I don’t have to deal with it outside the house too 😄

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😂 No rabbits can’t! Also horses can’t. And guinea pigs and hamsters. I have to tell you, I have never seen an animal other than a cat or dog throw up! Although I’m sure some do. Ferrets maybe..?

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  4. This is by far my favourite post EVER! I’ve sent to to Hedgehog (he likes your posts, too). I knew I’d enjoy reading anything from you, Samantha, but this is …well, real. As real as only you can make it. I do love the description of each individual pet’s vomiting habits (btw: have you ever seen a Great Dane being sick? if not, make sure you never do, stay innocent).
    I hate it when my pets are sick, even if they don’t care. There’s a memory I have that somehow always makes me emotional. When I got Ardbeg first, he was really scared of being beaten up for throwing up. I found it difficult to make sure he knew I would never punish him for it. I thought it would take time and patience-as everything else. And one day, my sister’s dog, Sarah, watched Ardbeg throwing up. He immediately tried to hide in panic, trembling and not even looking at me. Sarah sniffed at the sick. Then looked at Ardbeg. He looked at her. She really seemed to have this expression ‘you are an idiot-nobody cares if you’re sick or not, they’ll just clean it up’. It worked. Like magic. He was never scared again.

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    1. Ha ha ha!! I am pleased you enjoyed it, even if the link between subjects was somewhat tenuous…my stomach is turning uneasily at the thought of a Great Dane being sick…ours was incontinent as she got older and that was a sight to behold. I don’t remember her being sick though…
      Poor Ardbeg, what an awful thing to happen to him..it’s just one of those things that happen, being sick, but I am so pleased he learned it’s all right. Animals must communicate things like that to each other, and as owner/parent it comes with the territory. Even though my sons are 22 and 17 now, I still carry tissues and plastic bags..just in case!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m fascinated by the way animals seem to send/read signals-they are so much better at subtle messages than people. As to carrying tissues and plastic bags: I think I have mentioned it -you are an archetype of a mother 🙂 It is a complement (just in case). The biggest there is, mothers are shaping the future of the world 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol! Thank you! Motherhood ( cats and kids) is an adventure, certainly, and not one (kids) I ever thought I would be taking at the age of 18…Animals definitely intuit messages and signals between each other-and humans-and that all adds to the fun of sharing your life with them :)x

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  5. I’m very fussy about my loo roll 🙂 I hate the one with cute puppies, too. So I’m not going to mention the brand either. I like Asda quilted (nope, I’m not affiliated). Cheap and one of the best I can find (apart from a German brand that I can’t remember-which matters little as I used it in Germany about three years ago).
    Hedgehog is like your partner, tricked into believing the nice package and the name he’s familiar with must be better. But I’m the more difficult one, actually.

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  6. Hilarious Samantha!! However… a word…. “You need a Hypnotherapist!!” hehe… As for my Dolly – she is so greedy and will eat ANYTHING… including my granddaughters knickers so when she ‘pukes’ there are often polka dot or fairies in amongst the ‘pile’.. and it doesn’t make me feel any happier when cleaning it up!!! xx

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      1. Hahaha – yes – I treated somebody for the fear of being sick who was really bad and it worked! Definitely worth a try!!! I think you cursed me this morning as about 10 mins after I replied, Dolly puked.. Made me laugh though as I thought – yep “What you focus on is what you get”… no fairies or polka dots today though for me either.. x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha Samantha – indeed I am.. hence ‘the words’ re: phobias which is an area I’ve tended to specialise in and enjoy the most as the transformation can be amazing! And so you should feel a bit guilty for ‘the curse’…. (although to be fair it’s a pretty regular occurrence as Dolly will eat anything!) xx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You see you’d be a hypnotherapists ‘dream come true’ – a one stop shop to success! I’ve never tried it on Dolly – haha – she could be my next client! Actually I think you’ve got a point – maybe that’s what her ‘cross breed’ was with – dog&goat combined – yep she definitely has goat in her!! Hypnotherapy works beautifully on my granddaughters though and whenever they stay at my house they both love the ‘calm and relaxed’ story before sleep time! – works a treat.. as they fly off on their magic carpet… x

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