I miss my little boy. Not my son. He’s right here with me now. I mean I miss the little boy he was, the three year old who would sleep beside me in my bed, curled against my back after a bad dream, little feet on the backs of my knees. I miss his soft little boy hands, holding mine trustingly as we cross roads. His innocent joy and wonder at the world around him, the serious conversations he would have with my mother’s dog, the special smile as my cat came to him for strokes. Choosing what he would wear for morning and helping him put it on, showing him how zips, buttons and those monsters of difficulty, socks, work.
I miss the days of “Mummy will make it better” – I could then, there were simpler problems with easier solutions. Explaining division in Maths:
“Look, here’s ten sweets… make sure you and Mummy have the same number of sweets each.” The pleasure in your face as you realised you could do this. For ever answering the question ‘Why?’ and not minding as I saw in your eyes the cogs turning, paths and connections forming, thought processes linking as you devised your own ideas and views.
Proud that I can learn from you, not just how to handle 21st century technology, but your philosophies on life and proud that I have a viewing window as I see your adult character develop. I hope I have been a good mother. I hope that I gave you some good ideas and morals that will see you as a confident citizen of the world in the 21st century. You have your own friends and mentors now, good people, honourable people; you have learned emotional intelligence and moral confidence, to be your own man and make your own place in the world.
My son, who is now an almost-man, getting ready to leave my home, but not my mother-love. I am sad, but it is as it should it be and I will see you on your way with a smile and a kiss, knowing that you remain a child of my heart while you walk your own path.
This is Gino Baboo, my son’s favourite toy since he was three years old… showing signs of wear and tear but ready to go at a moment’s notice…