Smoky Quartz is a really effective absorber of electromagnetic ‘smog’: unhealthy vibes radiated from electrical items like computers and phones…
It lay on the worktop, smugly shiny. It looked at me. I looked back. I laughed nervously yet nonchalantly as my palms began to sweat. Yes, I had been given a new mobile phone as a present. My hoped for reaction of kisses and gratitude was eagerly anticipated. I prodded it, like you would prod a shrivelled slug with a stick. It burst into life with the logo and jingle blaring tinnily (my old one purred and chirruped sweetly.) I took a step backwards: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was touch screen…” That could have given rise to a whole host of new problems, since my hands are naturally cold and therefore touch screen tech doesn’t always respond to my clammy taps. (My son likens me to a lizard who needs temperatures of at least 34 degrees to function normally.)
Now, I am not a stupid person. I can get to grips with most modern kitchen appliances – the new washing machine had me foxed for a couple of days, but I can even turn the television and internet on simultaneously… but there’s something about mobile phones that makes me uneasy… Laptops and computers still remain mostly a mystery to me, but I never have much reason to use them as I do all my writing the old fashioned pen and paper way. (Yep, I still write letters that need stamps…) But.
You need a mobile phone. In this day, it has now become imperative that you are contactable at every hour of every day. I see the necessity of this, especially when my children were younger and now that my mother is advancing in years, but I’m not one for fiddling away on games, music, social media and updating my status every few minutes. (That would be an interesting experiment… status: sitting on the sofa, eating a biscuit. Five minutes later: eating another biscuit, thinking about going upstairs to see what the cat is doing…)
Wot? I’m sleeping!
I like a phone that I can make and receive calls from and perhaps send a few limited texts and take hopeful photos of the cats doing something cute. When I look, they’re usually just a fur blur:
“Oh no, I’m not posing again, she takes forever, can never get the focus right and the lighting’s all wrong in here…”
Beautiful… Just beautiful
My cats moonlight as supermodels… I had just about managed to learn how to fulfil all my requirements with my sedate, calm little phone.
This new self-confident bruiser of a phone definitely knows who’s boss. Since I’ve had it, I have deleted all my contacts (three times), sent puzzling voicemails to my mother, rung my son accidentally while in a class at college and it has hidden all my photos.
I have concluded that this phone has control issues, so I must apologise to anyone who has received bizarre, half-formed comments, puzzling likes and the occasional smiley face or question mark for no apparent reason…
Did Neolithic man have this much trouble with the wheel? (“Nah mate, triangles are never gonna work…”) As a middle aged woman, I am waiting for the next stage in my evolution to confident user of 21st century technology. It may be some time.
All photographs Copyright © 2016 Alex Marlowe